wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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