i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
