Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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