phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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