:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize