Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
