Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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