I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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