You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
