I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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