I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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