remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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