My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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