I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize