the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
