He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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