I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
