At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
