dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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