Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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