i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
