I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
