I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
