And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize