1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
