how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
