the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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