I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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