NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
