You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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