I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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