he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize