she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
