I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
