I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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