he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize