Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
