Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
