We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
