I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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