Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
