Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
