Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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