you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
