Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
