i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize