The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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