now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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