Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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