they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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