I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
