Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am midnight drunk by noon
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he fucked my hip out of place.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
