I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
