Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
As shirtless as possible
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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