She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
