You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
