I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
