i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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