it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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