Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
