I wish you could order shots online.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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