My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
tell me about the eggs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
