I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
