new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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