Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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