cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
