So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
