Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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