My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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