I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
