I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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