I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm both gender and math confused
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
