Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
