I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
