I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
