My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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