Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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