Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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