would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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