i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize