I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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