I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
