I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
