I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
