got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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