I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just invented taco cereal.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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