I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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