Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's rum buckets o'clock
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
