I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
