And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
