so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
