when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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