If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
