No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
