Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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