Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize