What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
