I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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