Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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