If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize