He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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