Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
