Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
