Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
