I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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