He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Randomize
