My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize