Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
